Personal News & Updates
October 7, 2024
Had my second dream this week about being in a room that's too big. I brought a beautiful couch outside then wondered why it got wet when it rained. I'm always one for remembering but not interpreting. I wish I could talk to an adult to ask if things change. I wish I could see a psychic to ask about my future and why I've been losing at cards recently.
September 1, 2024
Oh God, I lost track of time and forgot to update my website. I turned 25 recently and feel a lot different and maybe am. School started back up, I have a crush, I got my back tattooed and now need to make the decision to become a much better or much worse person... I will always choose to be better, obviously. My goals for this year: be taller, be kinder, be earnest, find the perfect white shirt, overachieve, write a poem. I just want to be proud of myself again.
July 25, 2024
I wrote a letter today and recently realized the dreams I've been having are more significant than I thought. Don't you think it's crazy to think up a person that's already real?
July 8, 2024
Went to a lookout and told secrets without revealing anything. I hope everyone likes me. I hope anyone who doesn’t like me has no reason.
July 4, 2024
I spent a week recently trying to grow up and move on and maybe learn something about myself, but it didn't work. It turns out that sometimes things aren't so complicated. Sometimes conflict happens and you live through it and you're right. There aren't two sides. I invited my nemesis to a movie and he didn't show and I feel thankful. I think he knows more than I do. It takes a lot out of me to understand that people can change so much you have to forgive who they were before. I'm not ready for that yet. I lost the competition.
Yesterday W and I were in a car on the Williamsburg bridge and we saw a boy run into traffic yelling about how he was going to kill himself. I've never seen someone run so fast in my life. I checked the news today and texted W "no one died that I could find. Thumbs up."
June 16, 2024
Oh my goddddddd I finally took everyone's advice and started the OC and what I would've done to be born ten or fifteen years earlier. First of all, I've never imagined myself as a blonde but what if I was Ryan? Also, everyone is skinny and hot. Anyways, the dude who was in Veronica Mars is also in this show and I feel like that's absolutely insane typecasting, but not the point. I love this show. Will be live updating constantly because I think this might ruin my brain for a while and I don't want to bother everyone. Update: Marissa overdosed and I know this sounds insane, but the way her limp body looks when Ryan carries her is how I want to look. Her low-rise jeans and tight long-sleeve top combo is unmatched. How can I copy that? Update: finally got to the episode where Marissa and Ryan kiss for the first time, which is whatever, but more importantly Paint the Silence was playing in the background!!! What a perfect show. Perfect cast, perfect soundtrack. No one can make a show this good again.
June 14, 2024
I forgot everything I was going to say.
June 10, 2024
The screening happened and it went better than I could've imagined. All my friends in one place! It sold out, which is also really wild. I wish I had more to say about it or kinder words to say about myself, but mostly I think I need to enroll in a public speaking course and learn to wear less ill-fitting clothes. Huge sweaters in the summer make no sense. I also just bought a pair of jeans that may be too tight. Who knows... no one will tell me. After the movie I went to the park and bought wine that wasn't good but the label had a bunch of sheep on it and I tried to point out who was who. I wish summer meant no obligations except hanging out all the time. Today I woke up feeling so stressed about where I am and what I'm doing, but then I got my Suzuki Qchord in the mail and forgot about it. I haven't had any weird dreams that I can remember. If I do I'll write them here. Byeeeee.
June 6, 2024
Had another really prophetic dream last night but I can't remember what it was about. It rained so hard I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep but I didn't mind even though my whole room felt wet and probably was. Maybe one day I'll live in a spot where the windows and ceiling don't leak. Maybe I have to make money first. Anyways, nothing new besides continuing to build out this site. Nothing can ever be that new if you're writing every day. I need to do laundry and hang-dry my linens. I saw a documentary about the politics of laundry and clotheslines and I think about it pretty constantly even though I got a little bored by the end. Everything we show the world is so pointed. I hope to get to a point where that's not the case and I don't care about anything besides my friends and being into things. There's nothing cooler than being passionate about the stuff you're into. Okay bye.
June 5, 2024
I had a dream about that person again and am realizing we’ve met before. This time he held me and gave me a washcloth to bite on but it had a waxy texture and bothered my teeth. I was salivating a lot and drooling and also bleeding I think. Next time I saw him we were keeping a secret and everyone knew. I haven’t suffered in a long time and I don’t think I ever really deserved it.
June 4, 2024
I wish I was better at coding and I wish I was a MAN! I spent so many hours today trying to move a table from one spot on my page to another and for now I've given up. What's new.
Nevermind I figured it out, but it took me all day.
June 3, 2024
Still haven't paid my rent. Been having a lot of weird dreams lately that make more sense than I care to lead on. The other day I had a dream about someone very beautiful with two names. He was much smarter than me and spoke cryptically so I never understood what he was saying. Feeling stupid made me cry. I've also been thinking a lot about grit and California. Sometimes North Carolina too, but that's something much more complicated and too large to really tackle yet. I'm assuming that'll make sense to me whenever it presents itself in full. Anyways, I finished a zine yesterday of my favorite rough southern novels and some collage work and what not. It's good to remind myself that no matter how awful I feel, at least I'm not doing that bad. I think Harry Crews had polio or something as a kid -- I just remember reading about how he couldn't walk for a couple years. He brushed the whole thing off really fast. I guess that's normal down there. He couldn't walk and then he could and the whole thing didn't phase him. I think starting this website and keeping this sort of diary will be good for me and cute and fun. Everything should be good and cute and fun all the time! Bye.
